Right Up There With Oscar

Came across a bizarre reference to rockcritics.com today on, of all places, Roger Ebert’s website (in regards to, of all people, the guy who plays Deuce Bigalow):

[Rob] Schneider retaliated [to a bad review] by attacking [critic Patrick] Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: “Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind … Maybe you didn’t win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven’t invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who’s Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers.”

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can’t take it. Then I found he’s not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award [my emphasis], and the Publicists’ Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Say what? Huh?? Strangely enough, I wasn’t even invited to the ceremony for this gala event. Got me to thinking, though: if there was in fact a rockcritics.com awards show:

  • who would host it?
  • what would the categories be?
  • who would be the winners?

Thoughts? Suggestions?


3 thoughts on “Right Up There With Oscar

  1. I don’t find this all too surprising. All film critics are frustrated rock critics. It was a matter of time before he found a reason to stumble upon the site.

    Who to host: Discounting anyone here, perhaps an established rock journalist (Dave DiMartino) along with co-host duties going to a photographer (Bob Gruen) and musician who’s a rock writer sympathist (Peter Buck). Other appearances would be pending.

    Awards: The Lester Bangs Lifetime Achievement Award.
    The Lisa Robinson Female Ingenue Prize (an all expenses paid writers workshop with Pamela Des Barres).
    Roger Friedman Quantity Over Quality mention for habitual makers of deadlines.
    Creem sponsored Boy Howdy Photo and Caption award.
    Rhino Reissue Series sponsored Liner Notes award.
    Instant Blogger, music blogger of the year, along with Best E-Mag.
    And, My Column is Your Life award for best.. columnist.

    Where would it be held? The High Point Pub in Memphis, TN, of course.

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